Sports Day, Mission Accomplished

I’ve come to the conclusion that being a suit doesn’t look like very much fun. Talking to them isn’t much fun either. Oh, foreigner I’ve met before, must go greet and show the other suits that I do not fear English! Foreigner seeking detection on…

My school had their Sports Day and I was pretty blown away by the scale of it. It was very well planned and implemented. And of course, the suits came, as befits their status. I re-met the Dogye Elementary principal, the Samcheok coordinator, and was ignored by my former VP (thankfully!).

What is Sports Day? Pretty much what it sounds like. A giant festival dedicated to the darling little munchkins’ physical prowess. As I mentioned in a previous post, they have been practicing for this for weeks!

I, only the other hand, was pretty clueless as I was officially given the job of helping Big Sister of keeping score. Great, I have a job! Thanks for actually remembering me for once... Wait, how are we scoring this again? I learned that not all Asians are good at math… although it was the white girl who was blamed for the mistakes by the kids. Even the silly white person knows you don't get minus points... that was not my fault!

I also had a lot of other jobs, ranging from finish line holder to stand in parent hula hooper. The latter I made a very poor showing of. In my defense, I haven’t practiced with a hula hoop in about twenty years! I can barely keep the hoop up without also jumping from foot to foot. They should have made me do something with running or the jump rope. Even so, while I was attempting to help out my mini partner, some wonderful pictures were taken. There’s a reason I never go to the school’s website. Who knows what kinds of horrible pictures of me are on there! The sweet icing on the humiliation cake, considering EVERYONE was watching me, was one of my little first graders coming up with a big smile and a thumbs up, “Very good job teacher!” Well, that and rolling the hula hoop AT one of my co-workers; that was nice too.

While there were plenty of laughs, whoops, and cheers, I’d have to say the best event was the parent’s relay. Not the actual running one, which was fun too, but the one involving a bright neon orange hula hoop with sparkly purple pompoms staked to the ground. Seemed like it was easy enough and the teachers even modeled it for the parents… what no one took into account was the first two were in a “friendly” rivalry involving a little too much testosterone. The result is when the cap gun banged, the relay turned into a wrestling match over the hula hoop, where one guy stuffed himself in one way and the other guy stuffed himself in the other. Two adult men do NOT fit through a hula hoop at the same time! It took several minutes and whistle blows to get them untangled. Meanwhile, my co-worker and I are howling with laughter and he says to me, “This is very dangerous game!” I replied, “Only with ajosshis! [married middle age men].” Once they finally got it sorted out, I realized why the hoop was staked to the ground… most of the plump little ajummas were bound and determined to make the other team run across the court to retrieve the hoop. When my co-workers were sprinting, I was giggling away. The hazards of having children.

Aside from the entertainment factor, I was really happy to see such a big and enthusiastic turn out of parents. Sometimes it’s hard to see the adults behind the kids that I teach every day. A few I knew from the neighborhood, but a lot of them work odd hours or don’t go out when I’m out and about. It was nice to see them taking an interest in the kids’ development, taking pictures and cheering their little ones on or participating in the events. Granted, some parents didn’t come, and there were some sullen children who no doubt were jealous (including my little partner for the hula hoop contest; I was apparently not as good as the real thing).

When we broke for lunch, the families ate outside together with a picnic-like atmosphere, while I got to go in with… the suits. Joy. I actually stuck by the nurse and science teacher (nothing unusual there).

Overall, it was a fantastic day. The weather was perfect, no one was injured except this insisted old guy who I pretended not to understand, and all the kids were happy, all the staff was happy, and all the parents were happy. And I was happy; I managed to avoid acquiring more toothpaste.

You thought I was kidding about the recycling sorting event, didn't you? Well, I wasn't. I'm not clever enough to make the kind of stuff up!

My shyest student ecstatic and SHINNING for once... she was so surprised :D She won all her races!

The nurse wanted to be prepared...

M.S. winning the race by incapacitating his competition... he's "fluttering" and she's laughing too hard to be "quick like a bunny!" That kid seriously has no shame, just like his mother.

The first grade minions again. Dancing "The Twist" in really cute outfits.

Mr. Can't Wait: "Hi Erinn Teacher!"

How Sports Day has made my life Infinitely Better

1.     I get to watch the Korean teachers herd cats- er, students.

A.     Basically, take 80-ish students and throw them outside with a ton of distractions. Then try to make them do things like line up and sit down and run in sync… It’s inevitable that SOMEONE isn’t paying attention- statistically I think it’d be about 50% or 40 students the first time around. Then there’re the ones that ARE paying attention but had no idea what is going on and flail with random motions they think might be acceptable to the casual [teacher] observer, composed mainly of enthusiastic grades 1-3. This would fall at around 25%. Then there are the kids paying attention and know what’s going on, but they are shy or stuck up or lazy, so they put out the least amount of effort possible to get by. I’d say that’s about 5%-ish, composed of mainly 6^th grade ‘too cool for school’ types. The remaining percent, whatever that is, are on the ball and looking good; however, their efforts are overshadowed by the other 80% of students, making them jaded and annoyed.

The Result

*Rinse and repeat… EVERY DAY for three weeks… equals an endless reminder that Korean teachers can’t get cooperation from students using instructions in Korean. So I shouldn’t feel bad the students tune out my English instructions. A cheap, easy ego boost that takes a mere 5 minutes out of my day. Plus it’s funny as hell.*

2.     And to be totally creepy about this, I get to watch the kids dance.

A.     Let me give you a little back story, I love to watch little kids dance. It’s all because of my sister. After going to soooo many freakshows- er, dance recitals, and laughing my guts out at hapless, victimized little five year olds, I have fond memories. So watching my students, who I know personally, windmill their arms and kicking up their heels is hilarious.

B.     I especially enjoy watching Grade 1 and 2. Mostly because they’re adorable and enthusiastic and clueless, but more because the TEACHERS have to dance too! It really warms my heart to see the bossy, obnixous 2^nd grade teacher, who I have lovely nick named “Bossy Bessy” due to her unfortunate gum smacking habit, whip out dance moves to “The Twist.” It further tickles me that I’m not the only one who feels that way, judging by the laugher from the office window!

The Result

I get to laugh my butt off from the safety of the second story window and harass the students about it. Great stress relief and revenge against all those little snotmonsters who disrupt my classes.

3.     Cancelled classes – no explanation needed.

4.     Tired students

A.     After running and sorting huge piles of recyclables (yes, this was an exercise they used – they take recycling very serious here!), dancing to a really annoying song, doing suicide drill–esque exercises, and standing in the sun, the kids just don’t have the usual energy to act like permanently insane monkeys.

The Result

Compliant students who are GRATEFUL to do something as mindnumbing boring as listen and repeat. Or arts and crafts, which for some reason, most of them scorn.

After all, who wouldn't want to see THIS in sparkly, cute costumes dancing "The Twist"?

Super attractive, right?

I need to learn to say ‘I don’t care in Korean’

Not necessarily because I no longer care about my job or my co-workers or my students. I simply no longer care if they are angry or bored or feel cheated. I just don’t. At this point, my relationship with the aforementioned people is for a limited time. So the kids can pout, sulk, and whine all they would like… as long as they behave when it counts.

Example One:

I live in the country. My school has a garden. My vice principal and co-workers love to pick random food objects from the garden, cook them, and eat them. It doesn’t matter if it’s 10 am or 1 pm (right after lunch) or 4:59 pm; they love to eat. Woo, fresh, organic food for free! Great, right? Well, yes… and no. In the handful of Korean words that I know that are actually USEFUL, fruits and vegetables are pretty solid. But I go to the point where the mere mention of “ok su su” sent me scurrying off to find some children to harass or a long trip to the bathroom cum walk the circumference of the school and go visit the other building. What is ok su su? Yellow cardboard. In English, we would call it the ‘most awful feedlot corn that even mutant cows would spit out in disgust.’ And they love it!

To the point where it was being brought out EVERY SINGLE DAY in generous proportions to accommodate elephants. The result being, no matter how slowly I crunched away at the tasteless kernels and despite choosing the smallest pieces, I would end up eating a good 2-3 ears of corn.

So one day, I just snapped.

Mustering up all my oh-ha-ha, I’m a silly foreigner, I prepared for a performance not for my usual audience but for adults. ‘Airen! Ok su su~!’ I immediately plastered on a look of surprised shock and threw my hands up like a rabid bat was going for my face. Then I wailed ‘Ok su su aniiiiiyoooo!’

To my surprise, it worked. I have yet to be offered another piece of corn. But that could be because it was the end of the season.

Now that the corn threat has passed it is the dreaded pobo (grapes).

Example Two:

To say my after school classes are trying is an understatement. I am basically a gloried babysitter for all the reject kids. No, seriously, I am. All the kids in my classes are there because: 1. Their home lives suck and they’re hiding 2. Their home lives are okay but their parents can’t or won’t pay for private lessons 3. They weren’t allowed in any other afterschool programs (art, piano, violin, Chinese, whatever). Only a few are there because they like me and/or English.

My most challenging class is the kids with mood disorders. One of the girls spent today face down (in school hour class with Maggie Teacher), absolutely refusing to participate. So you can imagine my joy at getting this same sulky kid. The other little girl isn’t as bad but she isn’t the brightest crayon. The third girl is fine but lazy and sick all the time. All three frequently try to bully me, walk out on the class, and refuse to participate unless it’s a power point game.

My solution?

‘Teacha, gaim!’

‘Sorry, the computer’s broken.’ (unplugged before hand)

I watched the kid futilely try to “revive” the computer for several minutes before offering her a book to read.

Imagine my surprise when sulky girl (who did not participate in the lesson at all) and I have no idea what’s going on girl (who’s eyes glazed over and spent most of the lesson doodling) basically read the entire book without help.

W.T.F?

Earlier in the day they couldn’t even string together ‘I am jumping’ and suddenly they’re reading a book with full sentences?

I’ve decided that the kids play stupid to weasel out of participating. This isn’t the first time in afterschool I’ve seen them do something very well and then they go into real class and suddenly act clueless. Of course, when I tell Maggie this, she doesn’t really believe me.

So where’s the I don’t give a flying duck?

As they inevitably got bored, I had them work on their play script. It is ridiculously easy (my 1^st and 2^nd graders could perform it with some coaching) and two of the girls could sight read it. Both Sulky and Clueless refused to read and asked when they got to go home.

My response?

‘Never. I work until 5pm. We will stay here until we finish reading through the script.’

Lo and behold, my new attitude of ‘you waste my time, I waste yours’ is brilliant. Their time is infinitely more important to them than anything else. Demon teacher 1, sulky little brats 0.

Example 3:

I have spent the past 6 months attempting to win over the ring leader of my 4^th grade class. Nothing I tried worked. Outside of class and away from his buddies, he’s a sweet little kid. In class, he’s a holy terror. Suddenly, in the past 2 weeks he’s been behaving beautifully and eagerly participating. I asked my teacher what she bribed him with and she laughed and said, ‘I encourage him.’ That, my dear readers, is utter bullshit. This kid loves praise, that is true, but he’s a shrewd little con artist too. Well, she can have her secrets, I will take my well-behaved little ring leader, whose good behavior has been affecting his little buddies too.

Now, I have a drumstick I like to teach with, and yes, I use it…

And if you’re thinking what my mom was, no, I’ve never hit any of the kids with it! Why do you think the Koreans would let me hit their kids? They can do that themselves; that’s not the place for outsiders. Don’t you know anything about racism?!!

Anyway, I generally point at the board/screen, bang the table, turn on the projector, poke sleeping students, and wave the stick around. I love that stick and wonder if I can sneak it out when I leave.

Mister Ring Leader, ever materialistic, was begging me for a sticker (I’ve decided the kids actually PREFER stickers to candy. Why? My guess is they can SEE their “improvement” long after they’ve eaten the candy. Or they could just like stickers. I like stickers). I goes, “You want a stick?” It took him a few repetitions until he realized what I was saying. The sticker requests stopped HAHA.

Instead, I let him use the stick. I’ve never seen a kid so happy… unless I happen to be carrying the yellow smilie ball…

Not Example 4 but…

Today I had the balls with me. I have two balls. One is a small yellow bean bag-esque ball with a smilie face on it. The kids love that ball so, so, so much. Unfortunately, it’s been so love that it is no longer yellow exactly, but the love has not diminished. The second ball is a neon orange bean bag basketball. I use these balls for a variety of activities and they are the best $2 I’ve spent on my short teaching career.

Kids love balls.

Anyway, I was teaching with Maggie today. Which generally entails me standing to the side looking bored and waiting for my cue, disciplining students in the back, pretending to be a tape recorder, or helping 1/3 of the class with the difficult worksheets she loves to hand out. Occasionally she lets me step up, but since she thinks so little of my ability, it’s usually with limited capacity.

So I’m standing there and I hear… ‘give me the yellow ball, I want the yellow ball.’ I look down and one of the students is practically chanting this. I try not to crack up and say no, pay attention to Maggie. His chant went on for a good 20 minutes, while he said things like ‘A ninja is faster than Maggie Teacher’ and ‘A ninja is stronger than Erin Teacher’ and ‘you die.’ (the previous chapter was comparatives best/better and strong/stronger and tall/taller).

I wish I’d get that much participation during my classes!

I think that will be my going-away present to him.

Real Example 4:

So I brought the balls into class. There is a very simple game that is great called 'Pass the Ball.' Want to hazard a guess as to how it is played? Yes, that's right, you pass the ball until the music stops. Whoever has the ball has to answer the prompt.

Simple, right? We've played this game a million times.

Apparently having two balls turned it into rocket science.

Maggie Teacher: tell them how to play

Me: okay guys, you are team a, you are team b. The ball goes like this.

MT: show them again. They don't understand.

Me: *exaggerated motions* Back, back, back, next to, in front, in front...

MT: *conferring with the students* They want to know why they can't throw the ball is this way.

Me: I DON'T CARE. Just pass the ball.

So instead of going over the dialogue, I pushed play. Turns out they remembered how to pass the ball after all without any problems. Was it necessary to have a 5 minute discussion on how to throw a ball?

This is what I deal with regularly. You thought the hicks and Mexicans at Petsmart were bad... well, actually, I'd say they were worse, but this is a close second.

OR, there's this kid:

Okay, he doesn't wear a cow suit, but otherwise it's pretty accurate. He's whiny, a crybaby, runty, is excessively loud, and constantly provokes a beat down from the other students. I think he's annoying yet somehow very cute. Like how screaming babies had pheromones to keep you from smashing their skulls in when you're running on three quarters of an hour's sleep and have to go to work soon.

I'm pretty sure this kid has fetal alcohol syndrome. Really, he fits pretty much all the criteria. 

Anyway, we were reading sentences. He was eagerly waiting for his turn. I pointed at the letter 'I' He jumped up and started stuttering 'am... are... you... G??? Q????' Each time I shook my head he'd get more and more desperate for the right answer. I could just see his little gears grinding furiously because HE KNEW IT! Finally, desperate and squirmy, he bawled at me, 'Help, teacha, hint!' I took pity on him and gave him a 'hint' (the answer). 

The next day he proudly ran up to me and said 'gom!' Baffled, I told him I didn't have a ball with me. He repeated it and nodded. O-kay, don't have a bear either. He stared at me and very deliberately went, 'chew-ing-gom.' The Korean teacher I was eating with and I both went A-HA, GUM. Haha, apparently they had been watching Willy Wonka and he was telling me he learned how to say 'gum' in English.

This is what I work with. On a daily basis.

Little things like that make me wish I was staying longer. I really wish I could have stayed until the end of the semester, but unfortunately, that would just make too much sense. I mean, re-signing for two months and not putting out for a new English teacher until next year? That’s silly. Because throwing a new teacher in two months before the end of the year is the way to go.

I have learned so much this year about being a teacher, child psychology, problem solving, communication, and humor than I think I ever could have imagined before.

Or... I could do THIS:

Or this:

for a living. All while doing 'spirit fingers' a billion times a day.

As a side note, I seem to really confuse people. I’ve been asked if I’m Russian, Canadian, and German… well the latter two I can understand. Sort of. Luckily, I have a great friend who sent me this:

However, I felt it needed a little modification, so:

Much better :D Sadly, iron on American flags aren’t very popular in Korea for some reason. I will rectify when I get back to homeland soil where people don’t usually wear leopard print and hot pink floral together with a green hand bag and brown loafers.

I've also been told I sound like I come from The South (er... okay?) and Minnesota (must be that Canadian vibe I give off?).

Also, as usually, my pictures from my Chuseok (Korean Thanksgiving) are uploaded

HERE

Summer Camp: Not What I Remember as a Child

You know, when I was a kid, summer camp meant fun things. Playing on the lake, hiking in the woods, playing Truth or Dare in cabins. Koreans seem very fond of summer camp too. But in typical education-obsessed style, Korea thinks camps are serious business. English camp, church camp, math camp, science camp, music camp… there is no end of camps.

But, the camps in question at the moment are English camps, of course. We shall no discuss the joy of producing 9 fully detailed 80 minute lesson plans that produce less inane English than the wonderful books we use throughout the year. And by less inane I mean bubble wrap. Yes, it is that bad.

Anyway, camp is such a joyful  event. And I doubled my pleasure and doubled my fun.

My school was split between four teachers. Who knows how much English was actually spoken in the Korean teachers’ classes. Possibly none, other than the songs I provided. Camp itself wasn’t too bad. I was told the first day that “your students look too happy” as they were leaving my class for lunch. Are they supposed to look sober and depressed? I would be if I were them. Summer vacation, what summer vacation?

I did art class and science class. My co-teacher, to my amusement, took singing and dancing. Singing being “Doe a Deer” and dancing being “The ChaCha Slide.” Sadly I only heard the classes; I’m sure the visuals were stunning. The kids did chatter a lot about The Slide. The male Korean teachers taught… P.E. I left that up to them, so I’m not really sure what they taught.

The most fun, of course, was cooking. Now tell me this isn’t a nightmare… 60 some kids ranging from 9-12 with open flame burners. But they were really quite good. That might be because I warned them that if they didn’t follow my directions EXACTLY that their chocolate would taste nasty, haha. The “fudge” turned out well enough considering we didn’t have enough condensed milk and I had to fudge the fudge recipe a bit. We had a fun lunch with homemade orange juice (with sugar added? Why, I don’t know…), chalk-like fudge, and PBJs. The PBJs amused me the most. I could not convince the kids that peanut butter and jelly should go TOGETHER. They were absolutely horrified and refused to make them like that even after I assured them American students loved it. I finally gave a few kids a bite of my sandwich to convince them (after all, they weren’t wasting THEIR bread on such an outlandish, strange sandwich). Can I add these are the people who eat corn on pizza and love kimchi morning, noon, and night.

What killed me was the “Golden Bell” game we had all the students played that reviewed the English “learned” during the camp. How did they think 3^rd graders were supposed to compete with 6^th graders? And this question killed me: What do you make with oranges, sugar, and water? My 4^th grade know it all was all but squealing orange juice at me (in my mind the correct answer) and I helped him spell it. When the answer was revealed he was mortified. “Oranade.” WTF is Oranade? I could not convince the kid that his answer was right; he kept trying to turn in his board. Finally one of the Korean teachers told him it was okay and he was satisfied. Likewise, they x’d out some kids that had a perfectly acceptable answer that wasn’t the one on the screen. Grr, that drives me crazy! Language can’t be learned in absolutes. You have to be flexible. There’s so many different ways to say something in English but they learn it like a formula.

But they’re damn good at math, right?

(Hello, how are you?) + [I’m fine thank you, and you?] = conversation via Korean textbook

(Hi, how are you?) + [I’m (insert one of a dozen feelings here). How are you?] = Erinn approved method.

The poor kids had math camp after English camp. Looked incredibly tedious and boring. I was more than happy to retreat clutching my gifted cream bread and “ice cream.” I don’t think ice cream should be the color of my nail polish. I believe it was “bubble gum” flavor.

Meanwhile, I had been asked to help with camp at the other elementary school in town. I said yes without really thinking about it. I really dislike “deskwarming” aka my butt in a chair for 8 hours straight by myself in the office. And I was curious about camp. Extra funds are always appreciated as well.

Well, we all know what a great friend Murphy is to me. My co-teacher tells me the school can’t pay me and did I still want to do it? I stared at her incredulously. They wanted me to work for free? After offering about $500? Stupid bureaucratic bullshit.

I said yes anyway. Just a tiny bit of spite in there because I know my school is like a possessive 5 year old and are loathe to lend me out. But mostly it was for the ice skating… about 80% for the ice skating.

Their camp was much easier than mine. I went there after my summer school and led “Team America” to victory. Haha, right. Well, I did chat with the kids and herd them along. After wrangling 1^st and 2^nd graders earlier in the morning, the camp kids were as compliant as a herd of well-trained doves… if doves traveled in herds and had the physical ability to speak English. Even the strange little boy that hid in the corner and refused to speak to anyone.

I felt sufficiently paid in stimulation and ice cream/slushie/sandwiches.

The best part of camp was at the restaurant when we were eating some kind of creamed vegetable or other. Franchesca said corn, but I think it may have been spuds. Regardless, the kids were making a racket banging the sides of their bowls with their spoons. Mortified, the Korean teacher got up and told them to pretend they were from Seoul not from Dogye. Ouch.

They were even more clumsy on the ice than they were with their table manners. Thump, thunk, crash. I spent a lot of time peeling children off the ice and asking if they were okay. Including super cute kids that were not students and just gaped at me like “OMG, the white alien touched me! She’s speaking to me in tongues. What do I do? What do I do?” Skate faster, skate faster, crash.

I did a crash of my own when my blade caught on a plastic knob sticking out of the ice. It was like the water balloon fight all over again, except I flew into my knee and elbow instead of doing a faceplant. 

So, somehow, I survived two weeks of camp in addition to some deskwarming and some demon-child wrangling.

Aren't they darling?

Vacation was never so well deserved. There are days where I really miss retail!

Hiking, Drinking, Eating, and Singing

Camera is MIA courtesy of the cats. Photos will be updated soonish.

So it’s the end of the semester. Despite what you’d think, its actually really stressful and irritating because it means one thing: CAMP. Yes, the four letter word of doom. Winter camp was awful and because of the way my school is set up, I have now learned how to set up and run a camp pretty much by myself. It may not be the best camp ever, but whatever.

Anyway, I was planning to have a nice relaxing weekend in Donghae involving a Thai massage, a movie in the theater (Harry Potter of course), and if the sun was shining, reading on the beach for several hours.

That’s not how it happened.

It started innocently enough. I was speaking to my co-teacher about camp and she said something about a trip. I blinked blankly and asked what trip. She stared at me in guilty horror and explained that there was a teachers’ retreat in Pyeong Chang (official home of the 2018 Winter Olympics and damn proud of it).

Thinking on my feet is really not a skill of mine. After looking like a crippled, maim deer for a few seconds, I said I would go. My mind was scream nononono, you FOOL! They will do what they always love to do and it will SUCK. Don’t do it! If my thought processes went faster than a legless centipede, I would’ve come up with some brilliant excuse like, ‘Sorry, the beach and Harry Potter are far more important to me than spending a lonely weekend hiking my sorry ass up a mountain’ or ‘I’m allergic to soju and beef and singing; I think I’ll pass and stay healthy.’

What do Koreans love to do? Eat. Eat, eat, eat. Drink soju and nasty Korean beer. After being sufficiently smashed, they then proceed to the nearest singing room for hours of good times with strobe light effects and tambourines while eating (dried squid/cardboard snacks) and drinking some more. Lastly, they love hiking. Well, okay, I like hiking too, but not in the rain.

Needless to say I entered the bus without the best of attitudes appropriate for such a glorious trip in a rented bus.

It didn’t help that I had gotten food poisoning a few days before and my body now rejects all cold soups in remembrance of the event.  I got away with saying I had a big breakfast. My school is used to my “tiny stomach.”

As predicted, storm clouds rolled in as we rolled up to Mt. Oda. However, the hike was clear and the temples were quite nice. The part that lifted my mood, however, was watching several grown women doing this:

Over this:

Yes, they were going gaga over chipmunks after I showed them how to feed the little buggers. I wandered off to look at the temple and get a small Korean lesson from my vice-principal only to come back to giggly Korean women who were still feeding the chipmunks. I take this as proof that Koreans want to like animals but culturally don’t know how. It improved my mood quite a bit until dinner…

Having been a vegetarian for so long (10+ years) I’m still uncomfortable eating large amounts of meat. I like bulgogi (Korean BBQ) but not as an entire meal. Plus, they go on for-ev-er. If I had been smart I would have ran to the bus with the bus driver. I tried a few times but was spotted and chased back inside.

By the time we got to our rooms, several people were drunk enough to curl up like this:

She was poked and prodded awake before being dragged out the door for singing. I declined and I think everyone was better for it. I was happy, they were drunk, I watched discovery channel, they drunk some more and were tone deaf, I took a glorious, wonderful, fantastic, heavenly, REAL shower and enjoyed the silence while they came back and had a mini-party out in the hotel’s commons.

I was door guard until they decided to snag the key… plunging the rooms into darkness and cutting the air. The poor nurse had been in the shower and came running out confused. I laughed and stuck my ARC (ID card) in the door before sleeping through the chaos that ensued when the unmarried women returned. I heard the next morning that quite a few interesting things happened…

Not to mention they all looked very sorry the next morning at the crack of dawn while I was cheerfully prancing around, gulping down fake coffee, and reading my book. I continued to happily do so for the rest of the day while my co-teacher grumbled that I looked “too good” and dragged me into pictures. It was a fun day for me because we did things I liked…

Trekking through a Jurassic Park forest full of mud and mosquitoes, capering after butterflies, wandering through massive flowers/herb gardens with all sorts of insects, feeding sheep and petting the dog, generally wandering around and just hanging out easily while managing to show up for all the treats.

Yes, my complaints are two pages long and my joys are one paragraph. Well, that’s the way it goes, right? The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

So what did I learn from all this? As annoyed as I get, my co-workers really are sweet, friendly people. It’s good to be reminded of that. 

I still probably won’t be going on any more trips in the future.

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.2260639397524.239803.1294598444&l=2b4e9e02e1&type=1

Victory!

Okay, yes, its been a long time since I updated. And I'm fully going to blame the computer. For some reason I couldn't log into my account. So instead of posting long-dead entries I wrote ages ago, I have a fun little list of the things I've learned since coming to teach in Korea.

What I’ve learned since coming to Korea:

-don’t do two things at once, especially in the classroom

-visual indication of rising irritating is essential for class management; the kids can’t “read” my “whiteness”; showing them a fist and saying “I’m getting angry” does wonders

-…the further the semester goes, the “Angier” I’ve had to be

-coloring is not a good activity

-stickers and balls are probably the two most useful tools I have

-the classroom is a mini-society; don’t piss the opinion leader off

            ~even if the opinion leader is a bratty princess

            ~or a future juvenile delinquent

            ~or a eccentric genius

            ~or a vapid teenager/obsessed soccer player

-pissing said opinion leader off begs the question, who is in charge? Me or the 10 year old… I win at the end of the day but then NO one is happy

-I feel like a politician in the classroom lobbying support…

- … or a salesman trying to make commission on a product that picks lint out from your toes

-sometimes the class changes its opinion for no apparent reason at all

-kids resist change and like repetition…

-until they turn into pre-teens, when they just resist everything

-schedules change like the monsoon sky ~ deal with it

-you can fill a whole period with teaching nonsense like Eenie meanie miney moe or Peter Piper in the name of phonics

-…surprise classes are the best… (see two bullets up)

-…I can take liberties with my classes and implement my own schedule changes… like sending them home early

-bored students are very, very bad

-bored, energetic students are even worse

-national health care isn’t necessarily better when you’re in BFN (although you can’t beat the $3 office visits and the $3 prescriptions)

-it is perfectly acceptable to wear a nice dress with a cover up… with black socks and blue clogs!

-cooking requires gochu jang (hot pepper sauce)

-dryers and bathtubs should be universal

-some days the better part of valor is throwing in the towel

-they’re just kids

We all have to survive 3 more weeks and then its summer vacation. Fighting!

The Erinn Methodology

So, I have decided on a special edition of my blog: How Erinn Gets Around in S. Korea.

Now, it seems to me there must be an easier way of doing this.

My first idea: locate and acquire a babel fish. So far this has been wildly unsuccessful. I’m beginning to think the guide book lied and there’s no such thing.

Option number two: learn Korean. Okay, so this option makes sense, right? Well, I know some Korean and a fat lot of good is does to saying ‘where lion?’ in my elementary-level (literally, since elementary school children are teaching me) Korean.

So, since I can’t find an easy cheat and actually learning the language at a decent level is out of my reach I have arrived at…

The Erinn Methodology

Step 1: research where you are going on the internet. You will find lots of pretty pictures coupled with vague and unhelpful directions such as ‘take the inner city bus’ and ‘it’s about 30 to 40 minutes.’ Occasionally you will get directions like ‘exit the subway, go along the stream for a bit, then it’ll be across from some fashion shop’ (in a shopping district full of clothing stores).

Step 2: have many back up plans of how to escape said place once you get there. While it may seem logical that the trains/buses would run both ways at the same times… they don’t. Therefore it is prudent to look up the train AND bus schedule going to AND from your destination. Also, beware of funny signage by the ticket counter… this may be indicating a change in schedule that will leave you stranded in the middle of nowhere with a $40 taxi ride back home. Also, remember that debit cards don’t work in the early hours of the morning, so carry enough cash for a love motel or gym stay.

Step 3: write down said place and triple check. Chances are, even if you pronounce it [to your ears] perfectly, the Koreans will not understand you. Even in context… in Korean. It takes them several tries to comprehend that you are, indeed, speaking Korean and respond with a ‘huh.’ Written saves a lot of time and effort and frustration. Show them the sign and they point. Couldn’t be easier… unless you put a wrong symbol… triple check.

Step 4: catch the transportation to said city (easiest part)and hop off at the station. Then the tricky part of catching the correct bus to your destination. This is where you will use your paper sign extensively. Show it to anyone and everyone who will stop and follow their fingers. Show it to the bus driver to make sure you’re on the right bus . Once on the correct bus/subway/whatever, make sure you get off at the right stop. This can be achieved by informing the bus driver (via your ticket/sign) where you are going. In fact, if you can, clue in the married women around you as to where you are going (sneakily of course). They have a housewife mentality where they are keenly interested [ie. Nosey] in all affairs that don’t concern them. They will be sure to use their adjumma powers to keep that forgetful man bus driver in line if he dare forget to alert you to your stop.

Step 5: immediately get off and check the return schedule!!!! Take a picture of it. Do not miss the last bus out because you were lollygagging in a tourist shop looking at cheaply made mock Buddhist goodies from China.

Step 6: check for English signage. Even the remotest tourist places in Dogye have some. Navigating within the site is fairly easy.

Step 7: enjoy what you came to do but keep an eye on the time.

Step 8: run back to the bus stop because you had to looking the store. Look baffled by the amount and show the bus driver a fist full of cash.

Step 9: attempt to coordinate times so you are not sitting in the station waiting for another two hours. This generally fails.

Step 10: get home, fall into a taxi, and be greeting obnoxiously by the well-rested animals residing in the apartment.

Tips: look for other foreigners. They are probably going the same place and might be willing to split a taxi ride (faster and more comfortable than the bus).

Here’s the results from yesterday’s trip to Donghae’s Mureung Valley, which boast to be comparable to the Grand Canyon. While beautiful, I think that’s an oranges to apples comparison.

Here's the link to the entire album since Blogger is being a pain about showing the imagine in the post:
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v333/eveliens/Korea/donghae/

On a side note, it appears I am, in fact, a Razorback fan after all. I've started playing pokemon again. I would hope that after 10 years that my strategy and game play would have evolved and become smarter. However, I noticed a trend in my battles...

Basically, I send out my sucky, weak pokemon first in a vain attempt to level them up... they are usually taken out in a few hits and become dead weight on my team.

Eventually I get frustrated and throw out my starter pokemon, which happens to be a massive, flaming razorback pig. Then I order the pig to do "rollout" in which it curls into a 600 lb pork ball and runs over the offending opponent... repeatedly. Or, if I'm feeling malicious, I will order "Heat Crush" which is basically the same move but with added body flames, so the offenders are burnt and crushed at the same time.

Who needs strategy when raw power gets the job done?

My sucky team:
Boss Pig
Purple and Gold Leopard with pink eyeshadow
Floating pink MooMoo with purple flowers
Pidgeon-dove carrion equivolant that is supposed to carry the weight of a 13 year old
Rock... erm, eyeball... thing
Zeebracorn

A weekend in Samcheok-si

So, now that my cousin Alex is Korea, she realizes exactly how much of a PITA it is to get to Dogye. She had to follow a convoluted route that spanned three provinces and took many hours before I could meet her at the bus stop with Rupert the Pisspot and Tokki.

While I was waiting for her bus, two college students approached me and commented on Rupert. Of course, they wanted to know his name and how old he was and all that jazz. Rupert gets more questions about him that I do about me! Who's the foreigner here? I was also informed he looked like a girl, haha.

We hung out and talked for hours. I mean, wow, a conversation with a full English vocabulary without slowing it down to a pace a turtle amputee. I hadn't had one of those since... okay, let's not speak of that. I just hope my English ability survives the year. I can feel the sarcasm withering inside of me already.

But the next day was, embarrassingly enough, the first time I'd do "tourist" stuff in my area. I will say I spent the winter hibernating and in Cambodia, but that's only half an excuse. Alex wanted coffee, so I figured it would be a decent time to walk all the way across town to Tiffany's. I poked my head in and flustered the lady behind the counter, who said the coffee machine would take 30 minutes to warm up. As we were short in time, I dejectedly realized we'd have to go to the bakery. This bakery... concocts some of the most disgusting sweets I have every had the displeasure of tasting... However, on the way back, we ran across another bakery... I've been in Dogye for 6 months and still haven't found all the bakeries/coffee shops... this does not say good things for my powers of observation. The place actually had fantastic zucchini bread and the lady was thrilled to have two random foreigners show up.

...honestly, if you have low self esteem, come to Korea. You'll leave a narcissist.

We first went to the Hwanseongul [cave], which is apparently one of the largest caves in Korea and Asia. It was formed out of limestone and water and was actually quite massive. And creepy. And facilitated the discussion of 'imagine surviving a nuclear fall out in here - you'd have to eat cave crickets.' I believe the sign was lying; the cave crickets ran away from the masses of Korean tourists long ago. The cave was really cool and lived up to its reputation as excessively large and endless. I think by the end everyone was trudging along praying for a glimpse of light. Oh, and Alex was run over by little old ladies several times, haha. And we were asked if we were Canadians (probably because of what happened next).

So, we just missed the bus and had to wait for the next one. We weren't alone. There was a solo white guy and a loud group of beer-touting Americans. Alex and I cringed at them and scooted away. Unfortunately, when we got on the bus all the Koreans had left two open seats... near the loud, beer-touting Americans. While everyone else was quiet on the bus they were having a merry conversation and one girl said, 'Koreans aren't as dumb as we think they are...' What in the world? You're on a bus FULL of Koreans, some of whom probably understand a least part of your bold declaration. Alex and I sunk down a little lower and popped off the bus at Samcheok.

The foreigners happily popped off too and disappeared. We made a bee-line for the info booth with a guy that had a nice sized name tag that declared him an English speaker. That was a new one for me. Usually I just grab the closest Korean and point and use my broken Korean to make a request... it'd be so much easier if they all ran around with foreigner-friendly tags. It would take out the guesswork. But, surprise, surprise, the foreigners were going the way we were and we ended up splitting a cab ride with them because the bus left at 5 pm and the park closed at 5 pm. Good job Korea.

The park in question is called Haeshindang Park or The Penis Park. And its pretty much what it sounds like. Its a beautiful park full of flowers, a sparkling shore line... and penises of all shapes and sizes and materials. The story behind the park is that there used to be a small fishing village on the property. A young man and his financee went out to sea. He left her on some rocks/a small island and went to fish. a storm rolled in and she drowned a virgin. After that her vengeful ghost scared away all the fish. A drunk man staggered to the water, dropped his pants, and proceeded to pee in the ocean. Suddenly the fish returned and the villagers realized that the dead virgin wanted, well, penis. So they made statues and it grew into a park.

I enjoyed the pumpkin latte, the ocean smell/sound/sight, and the freshwater fish in the basement of the fishing museum. And of course, couldn't resist throwing out some innuendos about our situation. By the time we hit the bus station, guess who showed up again? Yup, AGAIN. Alex made nice small talk; I sat and stared at the spit wad on the ground... it was more interesting. So we load up again and I run into my new coordinator. I've met him before and don't really have an opinion but he doesn't fall in the 'party hardy' crowd. I could see similar thoughts going through his head. I'm pretty sure he listened to Alex and I talk the whole way back to Samcheok.

But he was nice enough to not only direct us to a restaurant but order us food too. By the time we got back to Dogye, we were wiped out. Unfortunately, we didn't get to do the railbike because of time and energy constraints.

Nice weekend... then back to school and rain. I was so tired from Saturday I missed going to church on Sunday. Could've done better on that one.

Plans for Seoul, Busan, and Daejeon next month. Busy, busy not-hibernating months :D

I live-- despite the radioactive rain from Japan and poison dust from China-- gee thanks neighbors

Soooo, I’ve started several blog entries and for some reason or another never finished or posted them. How awful of me. Obviously Hell’s Kitchen and NCIS are more important.

A lot has happened but quick recap:

-I have a new co-teacher. She’s fresh out of uni and full of theory but not so much experience yet. That’s changing quickly. I don’t envy her first class. If they don’t chase her off, she might make it :D

-I have a new vice-principal. I really like her. She’s very ambitious and I’ve mentally started referring to her as ‘the Queen’ because she’s always holding court with someone: parents, teachers, staff, me, everyone. She has been giving me impromptu Korean lessons and I’ve been helping her with her English. It’s quite fun and gives a good example for the rest of the staff.

-I have 5 co-teachers instead of 3. One considers herself the main teacher, one considers herself the main teacher but tries to get me to participate as a co-teacher but doesn’t really seem to want me to participate at that capacity, one is great although new, one is overwhelmed, and one is pretty useless.

-I teach grade 1 and 2 combined 4x a week. Oh boy. Still not a fan of Grade 2 although Grade 1 is adorable. I’ve decided to keep their attention by clapping and voice changes. While successful, its high energy.

-I also teacher 3, 4, 5, and 6. I am using sticker charts and peer pressure to keep the kids in-line. 10/12 stickers (aka 5 or 6 weeks) of good behavior earns them an ice cream party. Now any time I need to keep discipline, I put an ‘x’ on the board. One x is a warning. Two X loses the sticker for the day. Three X means they stay after for 5 minutes with their heads down. Super simple, super effective. Only one class is out of control and its because its full of problem [mentally] children.

-I have been “encouraged” to teach role-plays and dramas. Er, first warm-up play went fairly well once the kids caught on that we were “acting.” I have some real hams in my 5, 6 B and they were doing improv. Which I encouraged!

Okay, that’s school stuff.

-I’m running a one-person animal shelter. So far I’m on dog #3. One dog had to go back to the shelter for being absolutely crazy and unpredictable. I said I’d take a small, mild dog and instead I got dog-eating, child-hating Cerberus.  Dog #2 seems to have bladder problem and has turned into an bratty teenager. I am not amused. Um, other than that, I’m on cats #2 and 3. My kids brought me cat #1 and it lived locked in my bathroom for a week while Cerberus tried to eat it and my neighbors tried to throw it off the balcony. It has found a few permanent home. Now I have two feral, mangy kittens in the bathroom that are super cute and super quick going to someone else’s care. I’m trading two kittens for one English toy spaniel.

-I bought a wii and 150 games. Nothing like yelling at the super annoying “helper” creatures in the role-plays. I think Chef Ramsey has changed my language usage because I imitate his catch-phrase at them. Mostly I play Tetris. But the music reminds me of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWTFG3J1CP8

-I finally went to an anime convention. The cosplays were amazing although not very varied. It was Reborn, Black Butler, and a handful of others. The “dealers room” was actually a massive artist alley and very, very impressive. But, again, lots of the same stuff. The official (aka bootlegged from China) stuff was all outside. Still, I had a good time although I was late and tired. I met up with some other foreigners and we hung out and went to Costco. That was a convention of another kind :P Um, WOW.

-Why is my personal life shorter than my school life? >.<

Ajummas passed out on the red-eye back to Dogye from Seoul.

Ajummas passed out on the red-eye train from Dogye. What scared me is I was dead asleep for several hours and convinently woke up at Dogye. Aggh, I'm becoming Asian!

"Dealers Room" complete with bonus of random cosplayers.

Dogye farm.

Dogye farm.

This is what you get when you ask for "fluffy"-- could he get anymore sissy looking?

Mange Kitty #2 "Geomshi"

Mange Kitty #1 "Toto"

I love the ridiculous kinked bob-tail.