Hold the Sarcasm, Please: Dogye Weekend #3

Ah, how quickly the internet died. And how I scoffed at the “class” today for saying that it was 4x faster and very easy to install in Korea. I don’t understand why I am despised so much that they would cut me off from the net, when it should be so simple!

It encourages me to write everyone detailed updates.

So, Monday of this week was horrible. It was biting cold, windy, and stormy. It apparently even snowed (so I’ve been told, I did not see this snow, therefore, I refuse to believe it existed). All the kids were in a terrible mood and all the Korean teachers abandoned me to go play some bizarre fusion of volleyball and soccer out on the tennis court. So the kids were holy terrors, completely out of control. I spent 40 minutes trying to control them and 10 minutes actually succeeding. That was grade 1. I am not a fan. Oh, and lunch sucked because I couldn’t figure out how to eat an almost-whole fish with chopsticks. So I basically went home and sulked on the couch in the dark because it was cold and the day sucked. Homesickness (or maybe just Ihatethosefuckingbrats) beat me over the head. Then I ventured out to get my daily coke/candy bar from the corner store. The owner’s son was there this time. I had an extremely entertaining (for me anyway) conversation of: are you single, how old are you, where did you go to school via the son. Apparently he’s 27 also and is going to K/Gangwon University. His English was pretty good, although he didn’t offer to translate everything his father said (but I still understood the implications, hence my amusement at the attempted matchmaking and resulting sputtering).

Tuesday was much improved. It was sunny and Eun-Hee was back and I got to go get my bank account/cell phone with the nurse. Actually, I was supposed to go with the VP, but he doesn’t speak English. We’re IN his car pulling out of the school driveway when he gets a call saying Nurse would be glad to take me. He practically threw me out of the car! It’s not that he doesn’t like me (I think he actually does quite a bit), but speaking English in Korea is a sign of high authority and arrogance and respect… and since his English is limited (as is my Korean), he doesn’t speak to me very often.

So Nurse and I go to the bank; we walk in and there’s this white girl sitting there. I mean, I know there’s other foreigners, but it was such a shock to SEE one. Eventually we did intros and blah, blah, blah. She completes her transaction, and I’m doing mine when she asks if I need a cell phone and did I want hers since she was leaving in 3 weeks? I immediately said yes because: 1. In Korea there’s a “start-up fee” for foreigners of 200, 000 won (approximately $170) 2. You buy your phone 3. If you cancel early, you have to pay a fee for about 70, 000 won. So by switching the contract, she didn’t have to pay the cancellation fee and I didn’t have to pay the start-up fee. Sweet, awesome, fate. No, really, what are the chances of running into some random girl leaving Korea at the bank and getting her phone? I’ll probably have to pay the cancellation fee because it’s a 2 year contract, but 70, 000 w beats 200, 000 w hands down, right? Now, getting the Koreans to understand that was a feat. And it took her co-teacher, Nurse, and two employees to sort it out. And of course the moment I got back, Eun-Hee and Big Sister stole my phone and pilfered the number. Eun Hee gave it to Shelley and I gave it to a few other people in town.

The best part? I didn’t have to teach grade 1 (much to their utter disappointment actually), which gives me another week to decide how to deal with the one boy S.B. so we can all have fun. Instead, I got to watch grade 4 do a rendition of the Grasshopper and the Ant… morphed with the Tortoise and the Hare… and singing? And have a giant beetle presented to me. The kids were awed that I picked it up. I won major points there.

The kids were in a much better mood this time and more receptive to teaching. Grade 5 and 6 actually participated and we did reading. I know that the Korean teachers might have a fit because I’m supposed to be focusing on speaking and listening. However, some kids are visual learners or kinetic learners or tactile learners. By having them read it, then listen to the correct pronunciation, then repeat my pronunciation with a hand motion (ex. ladder motion for ‘climb’), then listen to it again in a different way, then say it again… it’s much more likely to stick. Reading also encourages them to use critical thinking skills. Honestly, the most of the kids didn’t want to leave at the end of the lesson. Except those that I’m going to refer to as the ‘PUs.’

A bit of back story, Koreans cannot deal with the letter f. There is no f in their alphabet. There’s no f sound (ph)… the closest they can come is p. So its copy (coffee; incidentally if you say it ‘co-pee’ you’re saying nose blood- careful there), pall (fall), peeling (feeling). Aside from confusing me on occasion this brings up the ever mature joke between my brother of PUCK YOU (which, I guess, sounds like we’re going to throw you in a hockey rink and nail you with pucks). So when I say the PUs… well, you can guess how they peel about English class, por real! And honestly, I’m not going to fight them on it.

The best part of the day, however, was several hours of working internet! Which, sadly, did not last.

I hate Wednesdays. But lunch was awesome.

So, school lunches. Specifically Korean school lunches. I remember being in school and hate, hate, hating the lunches. I’d pick at my plate then dump the rest to go play. The food was not worthy of my recess time. They were terrible, and I’m fairly sure after watching Fast Food Nation and reading a plethora of books on the subject, that they’ve only gotten worse. No wonder our kids are chunkers; they get fed over processed sugar and fat at home and school. Schools that teach health classes on proper nutrition. Schools that know that sugar and processed crap makes kids hyper and unmanageable.

So how is it Korea manages to produce healthy and tasty freshly prepared meals every day, including Saturday, for a mere $1.50? These meals have five parts to them: rice (duh), kimchi (duh), some kind of veggie or dumpling, some kind of veggie or fruit, and without fail a soup or a curry to go with the rice. None of the ingredients are pre-processed or frozen or leftovers. As far as I can tell, three ladies “man” the kitchens for the whole school (so about 100 people give or take). Not only do the kids clear their plates, but the wimpy American usually eats 2/3s of the food offered (minus the river snails, whole fish, and really spicy stuff—yes, I generally eat the kimchi; horrors upon horrors I think it’s growing on me!).

How is it an “emerging” economic powerhouse that was starving to death 50 years ago and eating every living being they could find is now eating better than the “world leader?” How come they are feeding their children better foods? Healthier foods? And remember, my school is poor, and in a poor county.

It’s definitely ‘food for thought’ about the USA government’s agenda on education and the future generations.

Also, another random thought. Would someone explain to Koreans that Roman Catholics ARE Christians and they’re not two separate religions? Seriously, my EPIK course talked about Korean religions (did you know there’s 300,000 Muslims in Korea… wtf, who cares?) and said that the country had a “majority” of Buddhists because the Catholics and the Christians were counted separately. I should look up the history behind it and see who introduced what.

Last random thought for the day on xenophobia, staring, and foreigners. I just don’t notice being stared at a lot. And several foreigners have said it’s because I’m slender and have dark hair. At first blush I look like a Korean if you’re not paying attention. I decided that all Koreans must need glasses if that was the case. North/Western European descent looks nothing like Asians! However, tonight I was walking and this guy shouted out of his car at me for directions. I shouted back, “English! No Korean!” He realized his mistake and shouted at the guy behind me. Then he waved at me and said, “Bye!” Now, to complete my disguise, I need to purchase a hideously bright pink or purple coat Korean women seem to favor.

Also, along the same vein, I went to get my coke/candy and some bottled water (don’t drink the water!) and promptly ran into the Son again. Hi! Then I went in and FOUR voices said HI! I admit, I was a little disoriented hearing so much English all at once. It was two of my students and their mother buying a shitton of pocky (chocolate covered cardboard—I mean, cookie sticks) and the shop keeper. All four proceeded to watch me with interest as I shuffled to the counter and bought my stuff. The shop keeper even tried to tell me the amount (he said 13; he meant 3).

And with that long spiel, I’m teaching my hamster to come when called. Seriously. She follows me around the house and tries to climb up my pants legs (the other one’s a little weak at heart and hides and screams). They’re going to be excessively fat though. I feed them popcorn and sunflower seeds and dried kiwi.

Oh, and I get almost the whole month of January for vacation. Thailand calls to me~ It says come, come. We are cheap and we are warm and we have fishes! I should have more than enough money with two month’s pay to get a plane ticket and stay for a week or so. Maybe visit China after? Who knows!

Okay, so on the shitton of pocky situation: apparently its national pocky/pepero day (I’m so not kidding). Because pocky sticks look like 11/11, it is a “national holiday” where you buy and gift pocky. Marketing genius? I think so! American companies’ wet dream there. Also, they have the same day in Japan too.

Did I mention I love Grade 2? And 3/4 ain’t too shabby. And the Asberger’s child, who I will refer to as J.G., joined my 3/4 class (actually, he wandered in and sat down… his keeper was like WTF? Where’d he go, LOL). He continually amazes me. He didn’t know what we were doing, he was just thrown on a team and told to play. He learns scary fast. He learned sweater, jacket, pants, dress, skirt, shoes, socks, and shirt after one repetition. Not only that, but he USED his new knowledge. I asked, “Is she [Eun Hee] wearing a pink sweater?” Class: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, a black sweater! Eun Hee: pink, pink Class: black, black! C.G.: *walks up and grabs my sweater* teacher is wearing a white sweater. I wish I learned that fast (although without the side effects of sensory overload and socialization problems). Eun-Hee suggested he joined my B class 5/6; I suggested he joined the A class 5/6 (he’s in 3^rd grade) instead because the girls were more serious and quieter than the boys.

I still don’t know what to do with the boys’ class. How do you entertain and teach one/two boys for 40 minutes? I asked Maggie about bringing my “Brain Age” game because the boys love computer games and it would definitely motivate them. She said ask my VP and Eun-Hee.

Friday was an interesting day. I had class of course. I had grade 3/4 dress instruct me on how to get dressed, which was such a hit that I look up and grades 5 and 6 are plastered to the doors/windows trying to see what’s going on. I also had J.G. again. I was a little leery after getting my eardrums blasted out earlier in the day in regular class, but he seemed happy enough. I had him dress me, which he did with the utmost seriousness, then I was explaining plurals. 1 glove, 2 gloves. He goes 1 scarf, 2 scarfs. I explained it was 2 scarves. Then I showed him leaves as another example. He took the chalk from me and writes 1 knife, 2 knives. How did he know that? I also explained that it was not chalks. 1 chalk, 2 pieces of chalk. He goes, waters? No, just water. He nodded and goes, cups? Yes, cups. 1 water, 2 cups of water. This kid scares me.

Then I went out shopping and to dinner with Eun-Hee in Taebek. I visited the wonderful E-mart, which is basically a Korean Wal-mart. Then we went and found this tiny hole in the wall petstore to get a water bottle for the hamsters. The guy was literally closing his door but was happy to reopen it. I’d like to go back later. Dinner was also awesome. I let her order and I paid (as a thank you for all her help). We had ramen, some sort of cutlet covered in mayo and sauce, kimbap (think California roll), kimchi, pickled radishes, and mondu (chinese dumplings). Grand total? ~$10 usd and we were both stuffed.

Then we went to visit her boyfriend and his guitar studio. He’s pretty cool; I like him. His English isn’t very good, so he makes up random sounds to fill in the gaps. I was laughing so hard. It was fun night.

The rest of the weekend wasn’t so successful. I don’t feel like ranting about it anymore, so here’s barebones.

The good:

1. I got to travel outside of Dogye

2. I was told by a Korean I was very Korean-like

I got to meet some really nice people

3. I got to hear a Korean say “Bloody hell” (yes, this was a highlight)

4. I got to go shopping in Chuncheon

5. I had some interesting conversations

The bad:

1. It was 2x more expensive than I was expecting (and I spent 1/3-1/5 of what the others spent)

2. It was all weekend, so it was long and I was exhausted

3. I spent it sick or tired or sick and tired… not sure which—teaching on a sore throat today is going to suck